


Toph Bei Fong vs Her Bestie's Traditions

by Light_Thistle



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Hama is trying to move on, Kanna is a badass, Katara Needs a Nap, Pakku reads books about feminism, Starting three days before because my wifi is bad, even hahn hates hahn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26538937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Light_Thistle/pseuds/Light_Thistle
Summary: Aang and Toph receive a letter from Katara asking for their help in the Southern Water Tribe to prevent an unwanted marriage. But things get complicated when they both discover that there is an ancient tradition of hunting and sacrificing Bei Fongs that will make things more difficult for them.
Relationships: Aang/Toph Beifong
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	Toph Bei Fong vs Her Bestie's Traditions

Toph woke up from her troubled sleep with the cold air, a sign that they were reaching the Southern Water Tribe. Her nightmare had disappeared from her mind the moment she woke up, stretching out in Appa's saddle and opening her eyes without seeing. She then crawled over to where she knew her boyfriend was, guiding his flying bison.

"Hey, Twinkles, how much longer?"

"Only twenty minutes, Toph. I see the city in the distance. Wow, it's even bigger than the last time I came. Katara and Chief Hakoda are doing a great job building the city."

"With Sokka's plans," said Toph after yawning. "Remind me again why I agreed to come to this spiritsforsaken place where there's no earth and my feet freeze."

"Because you were desperate to get out of Omashu since, and I quote, 'that crazy old man will make me commit regicide. Just get me out of here, Twinkles'."

"Hey, I don't talk like that. Have more respect, bald boy."

"I don't know why we live in Omashu to be honest."

"Because you wanted to live somewhere. And look at it this way: I'm seventeen and teaching King Bumi metalbending. Another step up on my ladder of awesomeness."

Aang rolled his eyes, laughing at his girlfriend's invented word. "You also come with me because Katara specifically said you shouldn't come and you hate following orders."

"I wonder why. She sounded pretty stressed in the letter you read to me. Do you think she's in trouble?" asked Toph laying her head on her arms. "If she were in serious trouble she'd have sent letters to Snoozles, Fangirl, and Sparky too."

"I don't know what to think."

"What a surprise," she said with cheerful sarcasm.

"Ha ha," replied Aang. "I guess we'll find out when we get there."

Toph yawned and nodded, wondering what would be worse, being totally blind on the ice or in the air, cursing the impulse that had forced her to go with Aang without thinking twice. Deciding that it was too late to complain and that complaining was the language of the weak, Toph shrugged and crawled down Appa's neck to his head, sitting next to Aang, her favorite place. Aang felt a wave of affection and warmth surge from his heart as Toph rested her head on his shoulder, her hair caressing his cheek.

"We're almost there."

* * *

When Appa finally landed on the snow, Toph reluctantly put on her shoes (those demonic inhuman instruments were preferable to losing a toe) and jumped off Appa, with enough dexterity and good luck to land on her feet on the snow. Yet that was all she managed to do. There was no earth under her feet, just ice so strong it almost felt like steel. Silently and frowning, Toph wondered again why coming with Aang seemed like a good idea two days ago.

Aang landed softly next to her. "The city is in front of us. You have two options, Toph."

"Enlighten me, oh almighty Twinkle Toes."

"You can use the cane that Sokka made for you."

"Which is fucking slow. Or…?"

"You can take my hand. You choose."

"There's a third option, baldy." Toph quickly grabbed Aang's shoulders and jumped onto his back, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. "The 'today Toph doesn't want to walk' option."

"Toph!"

"Twinkles?"

"I can't carry you on my back."

"Of course you can, wimpy Avatar. I didn't work so hard to build those muscles so you don't use them for anything. Now stop complaining and walk, I feel the heat of the sun diminish and that means night is coming, unless we're so far south that the sun works weird."

"The sun works normal," said Aang walking towards the city wall. "Well it's true that sometimes it's daylight for months..."

"Ugh."

"But not here or now. It's complicated."

"Mhm," replied Toph without much interest, using Aang's soft head as a pillow.

The guards at the top of the ice wall let them pass immediately as they recognized Aang, the Avatar and friend of Ambassador Katara and Chief Hakoda, even with a dark-haired girl using his head as a pillow. Aang cheerfully greeted the guards by their names and entered as the doors opened, his eyes marveling at the beauty around him. His friends had really done a magnificent job.

"Describe," said Toph in a demanding voice.

"The buildings are big and shiny, like sand when it turns into glass," he said trying to use metaphors and adjectives that she actually understood. "The walls are much thicker than the last time I was here, Pakku and the waterbenders must have reinforced them. There are children playing to our left, as you may have already noticed because they're quite noisy. Their mothers are teaching them to make an igloo. There's not a lot of people around us but there are more than last time, people from the north who moved here, people from the Earth Kingdom, more children, more families. Soon Sokka will have to design a bigger city- Oh! Penguins! Toph, I'll take you to meet the Penguins later, you're going to love them. The guards who opened the gate are taking Appa to a warmer place now. Oh, Gran Gran and Pakku are walking tomards us," said Aang waving at his friends's grandmother and to his old master.

Once face to face, the older woman looked at Toph with worried eyes. "Aang, it's nice to see you again. But why is Toph on your back?"

"And why aren't you on his back?"

"She didn't feel like walking," said Aang simply, knowing that Toph was in the mood to tease people. "Hello master Pakku! You look good!"

"Avatar Aang," Pakku nodded. "We weren't expecting you accompanied by Lady Bei Fo-Toph," he corrected himself quickly, looking around as if checking that no one had heard him.

"Oh yeah?" asked Toph arching an eyebrow. "Why? You think I'm a small helpless blind girl who couldn't survive in the dangerous South Pole, old man?"

Pakku looked very uncomfortable for a second, as if he couldn't find anything right to say.

"Pakku, remember the book," said his wife beside him. "Use the book. Chapter two, item five."

The waterbender rushed out of his pocket for a small book, searching for that specific part. He cleared his throat before reading aloud. "Of course not. I humbly acknowledge your courage, strength, and ability to do whatever you set your mind to. Women can achieve anything and they don't need anyone to protect them, just respect and support them."

"Very good Pakku," nodded Kanna approvingly.

"What is that?" asked the Avatar confused.

Pakku showed him the cover of the book. "It's 'How not to be a jerk', by Avatar Yangchen. Someone found it in an old library and is becoming quite popular."

Kanna laughed. "It's the best thing he has ever read. Right Pakku?"

"Yes, my love, of course," the man replied, suddenly looking desperate for a nap.

Toph apparently wasn't done with him. "And what about my blindness?"

Without even looking up, Pakku reopened the book. "People with different abilities are in no way capable of achieving less than others and deserve the same respect as everyone else."

"Congratulations, old man. You suck way less than the last time we met."

"Thank you," replied Pakku in a deadpan voice. "Now please follow me, and quickly. Katara and Hakoda will want to see you right away. We don't have much time before he comes back."

"Who?" asked Aang.

"Hahn of the Northern Water Tribe," said Kanna. "We sent you a letter because we need your intervention, Avatar. Before things get out of hand. Let's go inside, my granddaughter will explain everything to you."

* * *

Aang followed the two elders into the largest building in the center of the city, receiving curious stares as he walked down the street, but too worried about Katara to care. Also, the smell and warmth of Toph on his back was a welcome distraction, and Aang wanted to enjoy their closeness for as long as her desire of using him as transportation lasted.

"We're entering the council. This wasn't here the last time I visited Katara. It's beautiful, the walls are carved with what seems to be images of Yue and La. And there are many pictures of the history of the Southern Water Tribe. Even one of Katara and Sokka."

"How do they look?"

"Katara looks good, but Sokka is too muscular and for some reason he's riding a giant saber-tooth moose lion."

"I knew we should have gotten rid of Foofoo Cuddlypoops. Oh, Katara is coming from the right. I hear her footsteps."

Aang turned to the right and saw his friend hurrying toward them down the hall, a smile on her lips and her arms outstretched. "Aang!" her smile disappeared when she saw the brunette. "Toph?"

"Katara!"

"Sugar Queen!"

The waterbender collected herself immediately, hugging her friends. "Thank you for coming so quickly. I wish it were in better conditions."

"No problem, Sugar Queen."

"We came as fast as we could after receiving your letter Katara."

"By the way, what is this bullshit about 'Toph mustn't come'? Do you think you can kick butts without me?"

Aang saw Kanna and Pakku, who had been silent until then, approach Katara in a gesture of silent support. His friend got straight to the point, after making sure no one was around. "Aang, do you remember Yue's fiancé, Hahn?"

"Didn't he die when Zhao pushed him off a battleship?"

"Unfortunately he survived. And I need help. He wants to force me to marry him, and if I don't he can sue the Southern Water Tribe.”

* * *

When they entered Chief Hakoda's private offices, they found their friend's father scowling at some documents on his desk, one hand gripping his own hair in frustration. He looked tired. Hakoda stood up and smiled slightly at Aang, squeezing his hand and saluting Toph with a bow.

"Have a seat, please."

Aang let go of Toph so they could both sit, thanking the spirits silently. His back was beginning to ache. Katara, Kanna, and Pakku remained standing, all too tense to look calm. At his side Toph frowned, and Aang wondered if she could feel the tension in the room.

"Getting straight to the point, we need help. Hahn wants to force Katara to marry him."

Toph snorted contemptuously. "No one can force Sugar Queen to do something she doesn't want to. Just ask the Salty Fish of your new father."

"Salty Fish?" Pakku asked.

"It's okay, it means she doesn't hate you too much," said Aang.

Kanna smiled. "It suits him."

"I'll let Katara answer that." Hakoda looked at her daughter with a surprisingly even more tired expression.

Katara blushed. "I made a mistake."

"Are you pregnant? Because I don't judge you, women have needs..."

"What? Spirits, Toph, no! I'm not pregnant!"

"So what on Earth can be so serious as to give him the absurd idea that he can marry Ambassador Katara of the Southern Water Tribe, war hero and best waterbender in the world? Spit it out, woman!"

"His lawyers."

"His la-what?" asked Aang totally incredulous. "Katara, what did you do?"

His friend seemed about to explode and kill the closest person. Aang was grateful that it was Pakku and not him.

"When the war ended and I came back home, the city was beginning to be built. Soon after I was appointed ambassador and we began to receive all those immigrants. We could give them a home, but we needed more than that. We needed jobs, schools, hospitals. An economy."

"In other words, investors," said Toph.

"Yes," agreed Katara. "The Northern tribe, Hahn to be exact, offered to finance everything. He gave me absolutely everything I asked for. When I had to sign the agreement to see how we were supposed to pay him, he said that the way of payment was the traditional way."

"Which can mean two things," continued Kanna. "Or a full payment of the debt and interests in five years..."

"As I thought would happen," said Katara.

"Or a marriage between the creditor and a woman of his choice from the debtor's family."

"As Hahn must have planned from the beginning," said Hakoda, standing up. "He refuses to receive his payment in money. He demands Katara's hand in marriage."

"I don't get it," said Aang. "Why would anyone want to marry Katara?" His friend raised his eyebrow. "It's not that no one would want to marry you, I mean those who don't know you. I mean-I should shut up."

Hakoda sighed. "Katara is not only our ambassador, she is also the daughter of the Chief. And not many people know this but after Yue's death, Arnook's only heir is Hahn, being the son of his cousin and the next in the line..."

"We think Hahn wants to unite the two Tribes," said Katara. "And before you say that doesn't sound so bad, Aang, by uniting I mean conquering. We have our own culture, customs and traditions. Hahn wants power in this side of the world to take them away, but in a peaceful way. That idiot thinks he can come here, demand me as a prize and get away with it!"

"I understand," Aang replied. "What can I do?"

"Find a peaceful way to get rid of him before I kill him," replied Katara in frustration.

"You know homicide is always a good option for me, Katara," replied Toph. "But since unfortunately no one here knows how to make a corpse disappear, isn't there something we can give the bastard to get him to leave? Anything he wants?"

"Katara signed. Hahn won't accept any other means of payment," replied Hakoda.

Toph closed her eyes. "Katara, are you stupid?" she said in frustration. "I'm rich, Katara! Filthy rich! Even richer than the idiot with the bear in Ba Sing Se! I'm a damn Bei Fong! Why didn't you ask me for help? I could have been your investor!"

"Actually... Uh, you were never an option, Toph," said Katara blushing. "I'm sorry. The council of elders would never have accepted a deal of any kind with a Bei Fong."

"What? Why?"

"Because the last time the Southern Water Tribe did business with a Bei Fong, we lost every single one of our ships," said Hakoda very uncomfortably. "Four hundred years ago, in Kyoshi's time, we had a problem with some pirates. We made a deal with Lu Bei Fong to try to fix it. But the old man only accepted that we pay him with donkey horses and, well, we don't have that. So the old man kept our ships. Since then we vowed never to make a deal with a Bei Fong again and sacrifice all the members of the family we caught to La. Sometimes La also accepts normal flying boars, he doesn't see very well. But if it's a true Bei Fong, much better… Maybe you shouldn't say out loud that you're a Bei Fong, Toph."

"That's why I didn't want you to come," said Katara rubbing her temples.

Toph was speechless.

"What the hell?" asked Aang, reacting first. "Toph, did you know this?"

"Of course not, Twinkle Toes! Do you think that if I had known I'd have voluntarily come to the only place without Earthbending?! Where OH CASUALLY they want to turn me into fish food?! You know I never listen to my dad when he starts talking about our ancestors! They were all boring as hell! My mind only understands BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BORING BORING every time my dad opens his mouth! How was I supposed to know, AANG?!"

"It's just a silly old tradition, honey," replied Kanna. "You'll be fine if no one knows you're a Bei Fong. It has been years since we last killed one. An old man from Ba Sing Se with a very annoying voice."

"Damn, I knew Grandpa Mao didn't run away with a stripper!" Toph said pulling out her hair. Aang was starting to worry. "I knew my mom was just talking shit!"

"Maybe it'd be for the best if we get Toph out of here before we deal with Hahn."

"Of course not, Scared Toes!" exclaimed Toph angrily facing who she thought was Aang, but it was actually a lamp. "I don't run away! Not even if I can't see and my best friend's people wants to feed me to Lo!"

"La," corrected Kanna.

"We're going to send that loser back to the stinky north where he belongs! I'll do it! Katara, I'll be your lawyer!"

Katara and Aang looked at her in disbelief at the same time. "What?"

"So, when they find out, your people will no longer hate my family and possibly won't feed me to Le," said Toph putting her hands on her hips, speaking very seriously to the vase next to Katara.

The waterbender sighed wearily. "Toph, you're not a lawyer."

"And the only laws you know are the ones you break," said Aang, convinced that Toph had lost her mind.

"Salty Fish, what does your book say?"

"Women can do anything," said Pakku in a monotonous voice, not needing to open the book.

Kanna smiled and bit her lip. "You've been studying?"

"Just like you told me, my little plum of love."

Aang wanted to throw up.

"The nerve you have, using feminism against me!" said Katara, who also seemed to want to throw up. "We're talking about my life here!"

"Relax Sugar Queen, if that doesn't work we always have a plan B. Aang will marry you first."

"What!?" both friends exclaimed at the same time.

"But I don't want to marry Katara!" exclaimed Aang. His friend looked at him reproachfully. "I mean, sure anyone else would be lucky to marry you but I'd never-I should shut up."

"Easy, Twinkles. Obviously I'm not going to become the Avatar's mistress. And although Sugar Queen is my best friend and I think we could share a man…"

"Thanks Toph, I love you too."

"That man won't be you. You're mine. It'd just be to buy time while we make Hahn disappear. Then you two divorce."

"Sounds like a good plan," said Kanna with a nod. Her son, husband, and granddaughter stared at her. "I mean, no." Aang looked at her with his disappointed pacifist benevolent monk look. "Making people disappear is bad. Very bad. Obviously."

"Katara, Chief Hakoda, give me a chance to clean my last name," said Toph using her serious voice, which she rarely did. "I know I can do it."

Hakoda looked at Katara, waiting for her daughter to make the decision. Katara looked at her friend for a second. "Ok, but if I think they are about to discover you I will take the necessary measures so that they don't kill you. And if you don't take it seriously and I have to marry Aang or commit murder..."

"Then I'll buy the dress and help you get rid of the corpse myself. Now to work! C'mon Twinkles, time to get out of here!"

"Wait, I've an idea," said Aang quickly. "Gran Gran, Master Pakku, do any of you have glasses?"

* * *

"Twinkles, I assure you this doesn't make me see any better," said Toph ten minutes later, walking down the icy street to the inn where they were supposed to stay that night.

"It's not because for that, it's so that people don't recognize you as the famous Toph Bei Fong, greatest Earthbender in the world, war hero, and the Avatar's future mistress. People look at your eyes and know that you're blind. Blindness + Avatar = Toph Bei Fong. But people don't notice your eyes if you wear glasses and…" Quickly, Aang took Toph's headband out of her head and her hair fell down her back. "...You change your hairstyle. The blue clothes Katara gave you also helps. Different hairstyle, clothes and glasses, no one will recognize you. I read it somewhere and I think it'll work."

"Why?"

"I don't know, the man just did that and no one recognized him for who he really was: Elementman."

"The stupid superhero from the comics?"

"Toph, he fights for truth, peace and justice and is the most powerful being on earth!"

"YOU do that, dunderhead!" said Toph wanting to let go of his hand to punch him on the shoulder, but if she did that she would have no idea where they were going. "You can put glasses on me but you can't put other eyes on me, Twinkles. People are going to notice."

"Not if we act a little. Let's see, I'm going to let go of your hand and tell you where to go very, very quietly. People who see us won't notice anything," he said releasing her hand. "Now walk straight, straight, slowly, don't slip. Raise your head a little." With a little practice, people weren't going to notice that she was blind.

"This is ridiculous."

"Do you want to be fish food? Watch out, there's a mailbox in front of you."

"Why can't I just hold your hand? People will just think we're together and that's true."

"No, people will think that I'm cheating on my girlfriend, Toph Bei Fong, who stayed in Omashu, with Katara's lawyer."

"I hate when you're smart," said Toph rubbing her forehead. "If I crash into a garbage can because of you, you clown, I won't let you touch me for a month."

"Hey, don't be mad at me because one of your ancestors had a strange obsession with donkey horses."

"Stupid ancestor," said Toph with a frown, walking a little slower. "How long until the inn? We have to plan our scam."

"Judicial argument."

"It's the same."

Aang chuckled softly, watching around the street to make sure they didn't attract anyone's attention. Both teens turned a corner, Toph being guided discreetly by Aang's instructions, and it was then that the airbender spotted an old white-haired woman from across the street. She was walking towards a restaurant decorated with colored lights with a box in her hand. Aang lost his breath when he recognized her. "Hama!"

"Ham-?" _***bam!***_ Toph crashed into a pole. "Aang I swear by the spirits..."

"It's Hama!"

"The witch who tried to kill us years ago?" asked Toph rubbing her forehead.

Aang tugged at her hand, quickly crossing the street and entering the same store where he saw her go in. It was a restaurant with many tables around its hall and a dance floor. Hama was behind the bar, cleaning the glasses and with the box by her side. The first thing Aang noticed is that she had a tweezer covering her nose, as if there was something stinky she didn't want to smell. Aang and Toph quickly advanced towards her. "I knew it, it's Hama," said Aang, catching the old woman's attention and noticing a strong burning smell coming from the box.

She raised her eyebrow without much surprise. "Avatar Aang, it's been a long time. You're taller, but you don't seem to be any smarter," said the old woman, her voice sounding shrill thanks to the tweezer covering her nose.

"Who let you out of jail, you decrepit witch?" asked Toph pointing her finger at her, luckily not pointing at a chair.

"Well, Katara, who else?"

"Katara?" asked Aang.

"Ambassador Katara gave me the opportunity to come back home when the war ended," said Hama rolling her eyes and putting down the glass. "More like she forced me, but it doesn't matter. She brought me home and told me that I would have to get something else to do with my hatred. I am her worst enemy after all, she wasn't going to let me rot in a cell again... But it's a long story. I'm sure you can ask her later."

"How do we know that you're not kidnapping people here like you did in the Fire Nation?" asked Aang crossing his arms.

"Because there are no Fire Nation people here, stupid. And besides..." Hama took out a small yellow book from her pocket, very similar to Pakku's, and opened it. "Give me a moment, I'm sure Kanna bookmarked that page. Here it is. 'Kidnapping people is not a healthy way to overcome a severe trauma. Staying busy with new and satisfying activities like opening a restaurant is the first step in moving on with your life'. If you ask me, I think Kanna added that part, I don't think Yangchen was that specific."

"What is that?" asked Aang angrily, pointing to the box next to her.

"Don't touch that! It's my karaoke machine! It's the only thing keeping me sane and it's burned out! If I don't repair it soon, I'll kill everyone in this city and then myself!"

"Ma'am, you nuttier than a fruitcake," said Toph.

Hama raised her eyebrow. "Aren't you the blind girl?... The Bei Fong girl," asked Hama leaning closer to her face. "Usually I can smell Bei Fongs you know? But even though I can't smell you now I can see you. And you look like the Bei Fong girl, the blind girl."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, I see perfectly fine with my two eyes that obviously work," said Toph looking at the plastic plant next to Hama. Aang was two seconds away from picking her up and running away. 

"She's Katara's legal advisor," said Aang hastily. "Everyone knows that the Bei Fongs live in Gaoling, Hama, making… money and parties and stuff. This is Dung of Ba Sing Se, greatest lawyer in the world. Don't forget her name."

Hama shrugged, without much interest. "Order something or go kids. I'm trying to work."

"You would probably spit on our food," replied Aang. "Let's go, Dung. We have better things to do than annoy this poor old woman."

Hama raised her middle finger as they left.

"Dung?" asked Toph incredulously when they left. "Millions of names in the fucking world and you could only think of Dung?"

"Sorry, I panicked!"

Toph tried to punch him on the shoulder, but her fist slammed into his butt. Settling for that, she snorted. "You have an awful imagination."

Aang was about to protest when he noticed another familiar face walking towards them in the middle of the street, surrounded by other men in Northern Water Tribe clothing. He walked around talking loudly, his voice a little lower than last time but just as petulant.

"And we need to use our imagination now, Twinkles, do you understand?"

"Hahn."

"That fool will run away crying to his mother."

"No Toph, it's Hahn, walking towards us."

The brunette frowned and her face turned to the approaching voices. They both stopped in front of them.

"I'm telling you the old woman will never know what happened to her karaoke machine," Hahn told his two companions. "If I don't have one, no one does."

"Hahn," said Aang drawing his attention.

The Northern Water Tribesman stopped and looked at him, frowning in recognition. "Avatar Aang," he said with a sarcastic smile. "Long time no see you. The last time we met you failed to save my fiancée."

"I'm very sorry for Yue's death," said Aang sincerely. "She saved everyone when she gave up her life to protect the balance."

"Which is your job," said Hahn scornfully. "What are you doing here so far away from the Earth Kingdom you like so much? I'm getting married and if you ruin this wedding too…"

"You're not getting married," said Aang firmly. "And especially not to Katara."

"No way. You owe me a fiancée, Avatar. And Katara signed an agreement that included the possibility of marriage as a form of payment. It's a legal document. Or is it that you now make your own laws, Avatar?"

"People aren't objects, Hahn," said Aang, disgusted to think of that guy even close to someone he loved as much as Katara.

"And I'm in charge of the legal thing, actually," said Toph for the first time, having observed this Hahn long enough to conclude that he was an asshole. "My client doesn't want to marry you, naturally. I doubt any woman would. I guess that's why you have to cheat to get a wife."

"And who the hell are you?"

"Dung of Ba Sing Se, Ambassador Katara's legal advisor and greatest lawyer in the world. I came here to defend her interests of remaining single and legally tell you to fuck off."

"Well look, Dung, I have her signature on an agreement. It's legal. There's nothing to discuss."

"There's always something to discuss," said Toph pulling away from him. Aang appreciated the fact that she had gotten her eyes to move in the right direction, the glasses disguising the fact that they weren't focused on anything. No one overly attentive would notice that she wasn't actually making eye contact. "This is your last warning, Muttley. Leave Katara alone and go home like the loser that you are."

Hahn grunted angrily. "Over my dead body, bitch."

"We'll meet in the court then," said Toph turning and going on her way. Aang immediately followed her, taking care that she didn't drift or fall. "Is he looking at us?"

"Just a little bit, but I don't think he noticed anything. Go straight, go straight, to the left, wait!" _***Bam***_ "Trash can."

"You suck as a guide!"

* * *

"Ah," Toph sighed as she flopped onto the bed. "This is crazy."

"It's more normal than what we normally go through, isn't it?" asked Aang laying down beside her. "Spirits, wars, people wanting to kill Zuko..."

"I want to kill Zuko myself sometimes."

"This is easy," said Aang before yawning. "Or at least it's not life or death."

"Said the distracted monk, forgetting that his friend was in danger of marrying an idiot and his girlfriend was without her earthbending and with frozen tits in a city where they wanted to sacrifice her to a fish god. It's like you don't use your brain at all, Twinkles."

"I haven't forgotten, Toph. I just know that everything is going to be okay. Katara isn't marrying that idiot. It's ridiculous."

"It's bullshit."

"And I hate that you can't see here and the part about hunting you down and sacrificing you to La is much worse, but I don't worry because in no way will I allow them to hurt you."

"I don't need you to protect me."

"I know."

"But I give you my permission to do it from time to time." Toph leaned closer, resting her head on his chest to hear his heartbeat. "But don't let it go to your head."

"It'd never occur to me," he said in a playful tone. Toph could hear his smile. "I'd never disrespect my sifu like that."

"Mmm…" Toph purred as she felt his hands on her back, warm from the firebending. "You know I like it when you call me sifu."

"Sifu Toph."

"You perverse monk, you do it on purpose."

Toph appreciated that little distraction. Naturally she wouldn't admit it, but not being able to see and the whole thing about having a city willing to kill her for a tradition was stressing her out a bit. Everything would be under control if she had her earthbending, but she didn't. She was first an earthbender and then a person. It was everything she was, all she had. But if she was with Aang then everything would always be under control. Aang made everything okay always, no matter how bad it was.

"Kiss me."

Aang kissed her cheek, her forehead, and her nose.

"Not there."

"Where do you want me to kiss you?" he asked with his lips on her neck.

"Mmm… Everywhere."

Aang was more than happy to obey, lying over Toph and holding her in his arms like if she were something precious, something adored, that had to be revered with almost religious fervor. His lips found hers and savored them slowly and sensually, enjoying their exquisite taste, playfully biting without hurting her lower lip. He suddenly wanted to see her tremble, blush, and breathe faster. "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you," he said sitting up and slipping a hand under her pants. Toph let out a sigh. "I can never take my eyes off you."

And it was more or less then when Katara walked through the door.

"Toph! Quick, give me your clothes! We have to-AAAAAHHHH!"

"AAAAHHHHH"

"MONKEYFEATHERS. DAMN MONKEYFEATHERS. MOTHERFUCKIN MONKEYFEATHERS."

"SORRY! SORRY!"

"WHAT THE HELL SUGAR QUEEN?!" yelled Toph, pushing Aang aside and running to pounce on where she thought Katara was.

"Toph! No! Watch out!"

But instead Toph tripped over a chair and fell to the floor.

"WHERE ARE YOU?!" she said standing up and spreading her arms. "Speak up so I can strangle you!"

But Katara was faster and wrapped her arms around her from behind, preventing her hands from reaching her throat and avoiding the violent movements of her head.

"KATARA!"

"Sorry, sorry! Please stop trying to kill me and listen to me!"

"I'll listen to you after I kill you!"

"Girls please," said Aang trying to separate them like the good pacifist Avatar that he was. "I don't like it either, Toph, but we should listen to Katara. It must be important."

Toph grunted but stopped moving. "Don't you knock on the door in this city?!"

"We didn't even have doors until recently!" gasped Katara wearily.

"Ugh…" Toph tried to break away from Katara's embrace but her friend didn't let go. "What the hell are you doing, Katara?"

"Give me your clothes. All of them. Now"

"Why-?"

"The elders can smell Bei Fongs. I don't know how or why, hell, I just know it has to do with La and his insatiable bloodlust. Stupid resentful fish. But Hama said it smelled like Bei Fongs and now they're smelling all around the city like hunting bears-dogs and I need your clothes to erase your trail."

"Katara, have you gone crazy?!" yelled Toph.

"We don't have time!" Katara lunged at Toph and began to grapple with her clothes, with such speed and strenght that Toph didn't have time to resist before the waterbender took off her shirt. "Give me your pants! Now!" she yelled before ripping them off. If Toph didn't fall again, it was because Aang caught her in time.

"Katara…" said the monk slowly, worried. "I know you are under a lot of stress, but you should calm down."

"You're dead, Katara," said Toph, trembling and half naked. "I'm going to kill you with my bare hands..."

"I'm sorry Toph, but I'm trying to save your life. Try to remember that when you get your earthbending back, please."

"Is that your genius plan?! Destroying my clothes?!"

"Of course not. Pakku is going to put on your clothes and run around the city to spread your scent and confuse the elders. He's the only one thin enough to put on your pants. That will give us time until tomorrow," she said, catching up her breath. "If you're going to do something, do it soon. This is a disaster but it's my disaster. I won't endanger my friends to solve my problems."

Without saying anything else, Katara turned and ran out same way she came.

Aang blinked a few times. "Katara really needs a nap."

"Give me a blanket, Twinkle Toes. Now."

"Oh sorry," said Aang covering Toph with a blanket. "That was…"

"Katara lost her damn mind."

"More or less."

"But she just gave me an idea," said Toph moving closer to him. "It's the perfect scam. Hmm, yes, it'll work. I just need my bag and your airbending."

* * *

The next morning, Aang yawned as he sat next to Kanna and Pakku in the statutory audit room, tired but alert. His friend's grandparents looked equally drained. Aang noticed something on his old master's head.

"Master Pakku, your head."

He frowned, before noticing that he was still wearing Toph's headband and pulling it off in a hurry. "Damn Hama..."

"At least you managed to confuse her and the others…" said Kanna rubbing her temples.

"Why don't you just order them to stop searching?"

"All authority has its limits, Pakku. You're more than welcome to stand between the elders and their bloodthirst. Go ahead, do your best."

"I'm just saying that you could convince them if you tried. But Lady Bei Fong should hurry up before…"

The doors were opened and twelve elders members of the court, who had huge dark circles under their eyes after having spent the whole night hunting flying boars, came into the hall. One of them was Hama, looking even more like a witch, in Aang's opinion. Then Hahn came in, alone, sitting on the plaintiff's side. Aang thought that he should feel very confident in his rights over Katara's hand to come without a lawyer. Or maybe he was just stupid. The elders were there to decide if Katara had legal bases for refusing to marry Hahn. Aang was a little more concerned for Hahn's life if the jury decided Katara didn't have them. He already knew that Katara would never agree to marry him, but he was more concerned with what she was capable of doing to get her way. Like forcing him to marry her instead.

Katara and 'Dung' walked in next, the waterbender guiding her in such a subtle way that at first glance it looked like Toph was simply walking slowly, and not that she was blind. They both sat on the defense side, facing the elders.

Hama stood up. "Now that we are all present, we can move on to the hearing, where we will decide whether the contract whereby Hahn of the Northern Water Tribe is demanding Ambassador Katara of the Southern Water Tribe's hand is legal. Any questions?"

Hahn stood up. "Only one. Why are you speaking and not the men of the Tribe?"

Hama looked at Kanna with tired eyes. "Kanna..."

"No bloodbending."

"Ugh. I'm here because I'm the oldest waterbender, because I remember all our traditions by heart, because I feel like it, and because the councilor broke his hip on the trail of a Bei Fong last night. The whole city stinks of Bei Fong. I can still smell their foul smell in this room now, but we have to finish this before we search any further. So if you have no other objection… "

"I have another objection: you're not impartial, Katara gave you a pardon for your crimes and brought you home."

"That doesn't mean we get along. I'm still her worst enemy."

"Ha," Katara laughed out loud. "No, you're not."

"What? Yes I am! Of course I am! We are bound by a bond of mutual respect and infinite hatred! I'm your worst enemy! Your nemesis!"

"Of course not, that's Azula."

Hama put her hand on her chest, letting out a painful, disbelieving and offended groan.

"Excuse my client," said Toph nudging Katara. "What Ambassador Katara meant is that her heart is very big, and she has a lot of room for grudges in it. It doesn't mean she hates you less than Azula, but rather she has more hate to give. Please make up so we may continue."

Hama smiled with wet eyes. "I hate you, Katara."

"I hate you too, Hama."

"Shouldn't we be worried?" asked Aang to Gran Gran and his old master.

Kanna hardly flinched. "No, they do that once a week."

Pakku seemed to take a moment to search for the words to say, but when he couldn't find them he simply pulled his book out of his pocket and read aloud. "Women don't have to be nice or smile if they don't want to."

"Wow, Master Pakku, you use that book a lot."

"Boy, please kill me. Have mercy. It's too much."

"What did you say, husband?"

"Nothing, my little prune. Nothing."

Aang looked away and focused on the dais, where Hahn had stood, clearly offended that he was not the center of attention. "A loan was made in the name of Ambassador Katara, one that contemplated the possibility of demanding her hand in marriage as payment. That's the tradition in the Northern Water Tribe. Our traditions matter for us…" Hahn looked at Pakku with contempt. "For most of us at least. Those of us who haven't been converted to that pagan belief of feminism at least."

Pakku sighed. "Kanna..."

"No ice stakes."

"So I demand my payment," continued Hahn. "If I don't receive what is owed to me, I have the right to confiscate all the things that were bought with my money. It's as simple as that."

"I see," said Hama exchanging a glance with the elders. "It's the defense's turn."

"My lawyer Dung will speak for me."

Toph snorted under her breath. "My client has the means to pay her debt with money as originally agreed."

"I demand a marriage," said Hahn, sounding like Momo demanding bananas.

"However, your tradition of demanding a marriage as payment is invalid if it directly interferes with a Southern Water Tribe tradition," said Toph, ignoring him like an insect. "In that case, your only option would be to accept the money as payment for the debt or not receive a payment at all."

"What tradition is that?" Hama asked.

"A four hundred year tradition of hunting and sacrificing the members of the family that left the Southern Water Tribe vulnerable and without ships." Toph tried to point at Hahn, but quickly lowered her hand realizing that she would lose the dramatic effect if she accidentally pointed at a chair. "Hahn of the Northern Water Tribe is secretly a BEI FONG!"

The elders let out a horrified cry, some of them fainting in sheer horror. Hama's eyes widened, holding onto the chair to keep her balance.

"That's ridiculous!" exclaimed Hahn. "I'm from the Northern Water Tribe, of course I'm not a Bei Fong!"

"Can you provide solid evidence that you're not a Bei Fong?"

"My father's not a Bei Fong!"

"And what about your mother?"

"I don't know, she ran away with a pack of werebearwolves and left us." Hahn said in a deadpan voice. "And that's why I hate women."

"So you have no evidence of not being a Bei Fong."

Hama and two more elders pounced on him and began sniffing his entire body, ignoring his not very masculine screeches.

"You smell like a Bei Fong," muttered Hama in a dark voice.

"That doesn't mean anything!" yelled Hahn, pushing the old woman away. "You said that smell was all over town. You just said it was all over the room!"

"Check his bag!" exclaimed Toph furiously. "All Bei Fong travel with a family emblem, to show off their BeiFongness to good normal, hardworking people! They all deserve the guillotine! And I knew this man is a Bei Fong from the first moment I saw him, with my two eyes that obviusly work! The Bei Fong are unmistakable! They don't pay taxes, talk non-stop about themselves, pick their noses and rip people off! It's crystal clear that Hahn is a Bei Fong!"

"I don't pick my nose!" exclaimed Hahn indignantly.

Hama shook the young man like a doll. "Show me your bag!"

"I don't have to…"

Hama quickly took it, looking at him as if he were even more insignificant than he already was. She opened it and emptied its contents on the desk. A sandwich, a sock, a magazine with scantily clad women on the cover, and a metal medallion next to a passport. Hama took the medallion and passport, and then dropped them like if they were on fire. "A flying boar!"

"That's not mine!"

"The evidence is painfully clear," said Toph. "Hahn is a Bei Fong and has come here to rip you off like his ancestor. He has no claim on Ambassador Katara."

"I tell you that I'm not a Bei-"

An old bald man stood up on the dais. "GET HIM!"

"No, wait, I don't-"

A chair flew from the dais in Hahn's direction, landing dangerously close to his head. The man backed away slowly, appealing to the rationality of the elders. And when he realized they had none, he ran for the door, being pursued only by Hama, since the other elders ran slower, but with equal perseverance.

"Avatar, help! Help!" screamed Hahn.

"Run to the port!" yelled Aang pointing to the north. "You have to get on a ship and escape before they feed you to La!"

"What?!"

"Run Hahn, run!"

Hahn sped out of the room, dodging Hama, who was throwing ice blocks at him as she chased after him. Slower but with the same bloodlust, the rest of the elders followed them, fury shining on their wrinkled faces. Two of them even had axes in their hands, and Aang could have sworn they weren't there a minute ago.

"You did it!" said Katara happily, hugging Toph and picking her into the air. "You did it, Dung! He left!"

"Don't be so happy, I'm still going to get payback for the clothes bullshit last night," said Toph taking off the glasses. "And stop with the Dung thing!"

"A foolproof plan," said Kanna smiling and standing up to hug her granddaughter. "Now you just have to wait for them to sacrifice him and problem solved." Her husband, granddaughter, Aang, and even Toph looked at her. "I mean, bad. Killing is bad."

"I hope that was enough to show that this Bei Fong can be counted on," said Toph proudly. "Just do me a favor and don't sell yourself anymore, Katara. From now on I'm your investor. Get it?"

Katara rolled her eyes. "Ok, Toph."

"I should probably go make sure Hahn gets away in time, no one wants Hama to catch him. Because killing is bad," he said glancing at Gran Gran.

"You do that," said Toph. "I'll go pack my bags. No offense, Sugar Queen, but your home has no earth. And if I'm earthless any longer, I could hand myself over to Hama to put an end to my misery."

"Wait, let's at least lunch together," replied Katara. "Let's talk for a bit. I want to catch up before you go back to Omashu. We can even try Hama's karaoke machine."

"It is strangely gratifying," said Pakku.

"You choose, Toph," said Aang hurriedly, turning to leave. "I really have to make sure they don't kill Hahn. See you later."

"I won't see you, dunderhead, but okay."

* * *

Aang sighed in relief, satisfied with the way things had turned out as he walked to his room at the inn. Hahn had escaped with his tail between his legs, being pursued until he reached his ship and ordered the captain to set sail before the crowd of elders caught him. Aang thought that he could still grant the evidence that he was not a Bei Fong, but it would take a while and by then Katara would have already paid off the debt, extinguishing all Hahn's claim on it. They could always fool him again if he tried something. If people mysteriously found a big black wig, flowers, green pearls and women's clothing in his luggage, it would be possible to convince them that Hahn was secretly Toph's mother.

Aang entered the bedroom, finding Toph putting her clothes in her bag, muttering a song with a smile on her lips. Aang smiled when he saw her. "Do you want to have lunch with Katara?" he asked, knowing that she already knew he was there.

She nodded. "I'll tell you a secret, but if you tell someone I'll kill you."

"I'm a grave."

"I want to know if the karaoke machine is really that fun."

Aang laughed happily. "Then let's go try it!"

"Only after Katara, Twinkle Toes. First I want to hear her make a fool of herself."

Aang laughed, looking lovingly at Toph, thinking how much he would wish to stay like this with her forever, frozen in that moment of happiness.

"Are you going to escort me or not?" asked Toph, holding out her hand.

Aang offered his arm gallantly. "As you order, Lady Dung."

Aang accepted the smack willingly.


End file.
